Log #30: the Olympians (their music and what it does to me)

Hello there today we are talking about the Olympians and there music!   I started to listen to their music when I also started to listen to the 40 minutes of funk podcast, though this was the first time for both, I was listening to the 40 minutes with Micheal B when I wanted to learn more about a favourite band (no not the insane clown posse I mean ‘here come the mummies’). And I was also directed to the Olympians after listening about the mummies.   As you might now that the mummies are coming to Ottawa Bluesfest this year in July so I like to learn about then history of the band (what I am an intellectual so I love learning) and I came across the Olympians episode and holy shit!  This is quality music!    It is disco funk music though I used to listen to this type of music as a  little kid other then the insane clown posse, i listened to funk.  And let me tell you this is rather reminding me of the good old days were I would travel with my parents and listen to disco at the resort!  That being said I love this groovy funk music the best.   Now I was suffering from a bout of insomnia when I heard ‘strawberry kiwi’ and some other songs on 40 Minutes of funk podcast and I was able to time travel back to the good parts of my childhood!   And when it was time  to go to bed I started to listen to ‘strawberry kiwi’ and then it happened, I relaxed so much that i feel into a deep sleep that was restful though the next day I started to feel the after effects of the sleep deprivation.     But I listened to the Olympians again last night and I must say that I am kitten today and not aggro at all!

That being said they release their music in 10 year increments which is rather annoying though I would not want to disappoint fans with crappy thoughtless music that some people love to pump out though they take a hot minute to release their music it is well worth the wait!   I never heard such great instrumentals since classical music in elementary school, though I never really loved classical music, though I love funk music (disco, etc) and it’s detail that people put in for the tunes you would listen to.   They are actually a good band and I would literally recommend the Olympians to anyone who would actually listen to the band and my ramblings!

In search of a revival was just released this year, and I must say the sound is rather revolutionary and great to hear, which is ironic as this is the year of the fire horse which means revolutionary stuff happens!   Though most of their songs revolve around Greek mythology and roman mythology it is rather weath listening to and even learning about the myths too!   Though there last album was released on 2016, do you see a funky trend here?   I think if you want quality music that is the Olympians then you music wait for the great stuff!

Personally I can’t wait to see if they will come to the Ottawa Bluesfest one year!  That being said  would you want to hear them at Bluesfest too?  Just think about it! Also the music reminds me of a pre-9/11 airport, the kind I was growing up with, this music really reminds me of a lost time.  Thank you you bringing me back to the positive parts of my childhood Toby and the Olympians! Again, mahadsanid

Log #29: moon garden preparations (started)

 I am very gleeful to say that I am now starting my moon and mindfulness gardening journey (again).     That being said I find that last year I did not get very many blooms and it was because I was late on the up take.   So I read the instructions as I got them from the grocery store!  That being I found the right ones for the moon garden  and I am doing double because of the mindfulness garden I am doing this year too!   Though I found the plants growing at all last year was a booming success and posted it on Facebook proudly as I am better than my birth other as I can take care of something that is living.   But this is not a competition, this is to help me with my mental health through nature.  I found that last year was a great and I want to go above that.  It didn’t help that I love shovelling snow and I will be shovelling for flowers!  This will be great for me….. i think I take the time to water the plants then I can take the time to care for my emotions and my mind.  It is just that simple….i am looking for more me-time but in the summer time.   I also will be taking care of a vegetable garden too!  Though those don’t bloom!  I find waterboarding them (with love) helps with my mind as well!  So I will do the same, again!   

Though last year’s vegetable garden took some beating into my head to get me to get the watering down pat last year.   It was also a great success.   I might invest in lawn gnomes!   Not to be confused with garden gnomes which is my name for idiot terrorists who wreck everything.   I find that with tattoos, and eating (as a person) to watering plants 3 times a day works wonders….

I can’t wait for summer though I won’t be able to shovel snow, but hell I got Gwen Stefani, Here Comes the mummies and limp Bizkit for summer as well as the gardens, problem solved!

 This day was rather good to be honest with you!  I did  get some seeds, though I hide them in my room and I keep them until mid-April for gardening.   I don’t hide them but I just keep them with the rest of my shit in mu room until the spring!

That being said i  heard these two types of gardens are supposed promote relaxation and stress reduction!

Log #28: here come the mummies list and great hits!

 After hearing about the ‘here come the mummies’ coming to Ottawa Bluesfest I was more then hyper and rather excited!  It felt like  I had a drink of coffee yesterday and had a hell of a time sleeping !  That be if  it was close between them and the artist Gwen Stefani!   Though I rather the unconventional stuff over the neuronormative crap like Gwen Stefani.  That being I wanted to learn more about the people who I am about to see on stage!

Current members of the band are: Mummy Cass – Guitar, Lead vocals. Eddie Mummy – Drums, Vocals. Spazzy Mummy (Spaz) – Keyboards, Vocals.

The story behind the band is this …..  The band's story is just as unconventional as they are: A professor named Nigel Dumblucke unearthed a cursed group of mummies from an ancient discotheque in 1922

Though they are an american funk rock band!  I have been listening to the since the mid 2010s when I was still with my parents!  That being said there songs include the songs like: freak flag and pants as well as dirty minds!  That is just a few to name  with regards to the songs!   Though I was recommended the band when I was about 22 years old this was a rather difficult time in it on it own!  I had lost my grand parents and I was wallowing in self pity that being said it was there songs that help me get out of my funk!   That Being said I rather look at the fun and weird things that come instead of the normal things like Gwen Stefani!

Though I have been listening to Gwen since age 13 that was a horrible time in my life!   And I rather not remember the really official times!  Though I can t remember the source of the recommendation, was it a friend or a my space post I can’t really remember but mall I remember is the songs and how fun and funky they are!   I find that them coming to Ottawa bluesfest was rather hyper active inducing for me as I listen to them since for a long time!

Log #27: dif types of mental health gardens

 I was talking to meta ai, after shoveling snow, (my mindfulness activity for the winter). When I walked in feeling better about the fact the  I was not getting my way!  That being said I found that shoveling anything snow or what ever was good for me!  So I thought of a diggy hobbie that I shall Do!   Gardening and moon gardening to help with mindfulness and relaxation!  The simple fact is that I want to still dig and shovel in the summer months though I can’t shovel snow!  So I was talking to my friends and came up with a topic for ai!  This is what it came up with now!

# Mindfulness Garden:

- *Purpose*: Encourage being present, reduce stress.

- *Elements*:

    - Seating areas for meditation

    - Simple, sensory plants (lavender, rosemary)

    - Water feature (small fountain)

    - Pathways for walking meditation

    - Minimal distractions

# Moon Garden:

- *Purpose*: Enjoy nighttime beauty, promote relaxation.

- *Elements*:

    - White or light-colored flowers (evening primrose, moonflowers)

    - Reflective surfaces (mirrors, water)

    - Soft lighting (solar lights)

    - Comfortable seating for stargazing

    - Fragrant night-blooming plants

That being said  the emotional regulation (mindfulness garden) will be for the day time when I feel like shit! And the moon garden to help with relaxing, something that all people with PTSD have a hell of a time with, emotional regulation and relaxing (or as my friend says ‘chillin’). That being said I feel the need to dig up a storm without get into shit!  So I thought of this with Ai!  That being said I need to the right stuff except for reflective surfaces and soft lightening as I just want to work on my mindfulness and relaxation!   That being said last night, someone said something very triggering about something I could not help but feel like it was a personal attack.   

I will not get into that with out getting worked up!  That being said I will have to invest in garden gnome decorations too!  For the simple fact that I want this it be as entertaining as my iPad though more relaxing!   Though I find gardening very interesting to do….for mental health!

Other ideas are the 

- *Restorative gardens*: Designed for relaxation and calm, often with soothing sounds and scents.

- *Therapeutic gardens*: Specifically designed for people with physical or emotional challenges, often with accessible paths and sensory plants.

- *Mindfulness gardens*: Encourage being present in the moment, often with meditation spaces and calming elements.

- *Nature therapy gardens*: Incorporate natural elements to promote connection with nature and reduce stress.

Log #26: fire—s

Yesterday I created the site fire—s that being said I was trying to create a site similar to this: blogger, and then the social aspect came up and I ran with it.   Though it was created using the ai on canva!   That being said soon fires was starting to form not just with ai but also with in my head.   I wanted to create a social media site with out drama or trauma since august of 2025, though this resulted in a PTSD flashback back and the phone being broken because of said flash back.   That time i ended up on some dark web sites/shock sites that triggered my PTSD at first though I did not know that I could publish this on just the canva app and it saved me from doing the same stupid stunt as august 2025!   Though I still wanted to create a social platform this was rather testing me though I learned that it how a worded this request to get it to bend to my will!   And yesterday within hours instead of a year I created a social platform that did work, fire—s!   

Fire—s is like the MySpace but orange, red ans yellow instead of the blue and white which will make you sleep, this aesthetic is new and fresh though I though if this and plugged it in with out issue -this time!  And I found that it was easier, usually it take almost a year to get this up if you code on your own and by then you are bald and I would have gone insane.   So there is a reason I do ai, for the simple fact is it is quicker and easier for me then to learn to code and drive my self insane yet again!

Though there are terms and rules to this site,  and here they are:   ✅pictures

✅art ✅selfies ✅photography ✅creativity ✅clothing ✅make up/ sfx make up ✅filling out profile ✅speech and expression ✅Halloween decorations ✅educational e.d. Content and self harm awareness but don’t promote it! ✅having fun ✅g- rated What is not allowed: 🚫nsfw 🚫nudity/pornographic 🚫pictures of your sexual anatomy will get you in shit 🚫hate speech 🚫ableism 🚫bullying/cyber bullying 🚫beastality 🚫pictures of children 🚫violence/gore and torture (except ofr sfx make up but you have to mentioned that it is sfx makeup or else) 🚫terrorism/religious and political posts will be gone! 🚫dugs/self harm/ e.d. Content that is not educational 🚫threats 🚫dinking

I hoping or make a safe space for all though the site looks like a dating site it is not a dating site that being said I hope to get some people on this site as well! Join fire—s

Log #25: me meeting Susan Aglukark and and wanting to go to more concerts!

Not my photo of the singer!

 I want to tell you when I saw Susan agkukark in concert in the NAC, in Ottawa! But first you need to know that I loved her music since I was forced to go to the library to get some of my music, well I wanted to see what they had and I saw that they had Susan aglukark’s music!   That being said I started to listen to her music for quite a few years because her music and Buffy Sainte Marie’s music was rather inspiring to me though I wanted to play guitar then, this would not be possible with my parents sensitive ears that drove me insane.   That being said I wanted to get the 4th edition of worlds most dangerous places by Robert Young Pelton and got a trip to the library instead, which was annoying.   So I looked at the music which did not seem as bad an I started to look through the albums, there was a Swedish band called jeniferever which I am equally obsessed about as well and would collect their albums on a iPod!   That being said this music if hers, Susan’s that is, resonated with me because I have heard good things about what she did for the Traumatized children in her community and anger towards the system that caused said ptsd to the children in her Inuit community!  Though I am not Inuit, you will read about me having and over coming the ptsd -post traumatic stress disorder!   That being the music was when of the things that I new this would be a passion to do in life was music!   But I did not think I could do this because of my parents sensitive ears,   This was something I would have to do in later life!   This was something that I wanted to bother my parents about though I could not help but think they hated music all together!   That being said I had to have another person to convince my mother to let me see her in concert!   Though I went I was hoping to tell her my story after the concert!   That being said I was very lucky that she was doing signing and photo ops to!  Now she played all her songs along side with a band called dyet, they were great too, also indigenous too!  That being I waited in line and got her to talk to me and have my picture to taken with her! I also got her autograph to!  I told her my my story that I had ptsd and that here music was helping me with the mental illness.   Though I wish I had the proof of this night it was destroyed in a house flood that ruined my childhood home.  That being the music was awesome and I would want to go to other concerts.  I tried to go to iron maiden though because of annoying circumstances I was not going to see them.  So I bided my time, practiced my guitar and waited until July 16th 2026 to see  Sean Paul and then on the eighteenth papa roach!    Though I have more proof of seeing these two bands/aritsts, I wish I could have keep my proof about meeting Susan!  She was about the same height and weight as me, though there was an age difference!  That being said I would like to still go to blues fest and see more artists/bands!

That being said the purchase of my first guitar and then my song writing that I do now is made possible by seeing Susan aglukark in concert and this lit a fire under the ass I like to sit on so much.   I now specialize in blues/bluegrass/world and new age as well as pop because of that first concert.  That being said my instruments have expanded to the size of a worlds most dangerous places book because of that concert!  I play the ocarina, the hand pan and harmonica as well as sing because of the fact that  my mother saw how important this was for me and allowed it to happen.  Because of  this I will be forever greatful for her kindness, though it took me to go to my group home to let her see that I was a great guitar player to.     I guess when you are older you tend to not have as sensitive of hearing!  Though I will talk about jeniferever one day, maybe tomorrow that being said I never saw them in concert, but if I did I would have had a heart attack in a good way to, especially their album spring tides!  Holy shit!   So now you know who I ‘blame’ for getting me interested in music!  So ….what else can I say but good work Susan!

Log #24: learn to song write with me!

 I learned and appreciated song writing when I was boneheaded enough to have a PTSD flashback that resulted in my phone being broken.  But that was the catalyst for something that was brewing from quite a few weeks when I passed through the metal detector to get into Bluesfest more then once last year.  First I saw Sean Paul and I saw papa roach!   Though I loved both, it was papa roach that got me to want to write songs for the hell of it though I started to write after the breaking of my phone to keep my self sane, this is a great journaling and writing exercise activity that you just need a note book and a pen and you emotional brain.  Also listening to music will help you with this situation.     That being said  this could be as simple or complicated as you want!   Though you need an intro (chorus), a refrain (a line that you say at least the times before moving on to verse 1 +4! Then the fun part of the bridge!  This is a part of the song that is different but has to do with the plot of the story.  Then you have an outro and then  you are ready to sing (and if you can play another instrument then great).  And record the song on your device’s voice memo app!  This is rather a good stress relief and an addictive experience of song writing.  Be aware this is more addictive than meth or cocaine -just remember that…..but it is a good hobbie for relief of emotional stress!

That being said I would use the song metal detector as a reference though it is rather simple and interesting!  The chorus/hook and refrain is the words “I left my heart at the metal detector and left my soul in the x-ray machine!

Then come s the verses, which would be me talking about when I was experiencing and the repeat the chorus/hook of refrain and talk repeat the phrase that is the song is based on the verse two same deal then verse three and then you are at the verse 4 and then the outro of the song!  I would recommend learning about song writing and learn an instrument then to dive right in, unless you are a music lover like me!:). That being said I wish I could get into more detail though I believe the emotion that you are feeling will guide you.  Also you don’t need to be bone headed and break an electronic to start this hobby!    Well there is my song writing spiel 

Log #23: Tarot card game that I made up using moonology cards!

 I heard a few weeks ago about that concept of tarot/orcale cards games though I think what I want to do is use traditional pre-world war 2 Japanese dice gambling games with the cards.     That being said the object of the game is not to gain money or gamble as I don’t really believe in gaming for money.   That is what hard ass work is for!

So what you do is you get four dice, a cup and the moonology cards that is usually for oracle reading.   That being said you put the cards in the Center of the table and you call out odds or evens, what comes up as the number on the dice the “betting person” will pick a card to draw, now that you can get about 5 to six cards to collect though if you pull a full moon or a super moon the game is over end of story!  So you want to shuffle the cards really well and ask for odds and evens (like the yakuza) and deal the dice and started to the game everyone has a turn though I don’t want money to be involved with the playing of the game.  This combines two of my favourite board games: Chiba or chiipa which would be a Yakuza gambling game and a tarot card game (that I wanted to participate in though knowing nothing about the games).  So I don’t know much about tarot card games this being said I created my own and this has to be played with the moonology cards and four dice and a cup to make it fun and successful.  Now because of my dislike of the full moon or the full super moon I would say that if you pull a plain old full moon card or super moon card that you will loose and the game is over (or the round)

The other game cards of the moon are points with the north node and south node cards being the highest scoring.    This was coming to my idea and my attention when someone in my house mentioned tarot/oracle card games!   Now because of my love of tarot/ oracle cards and old yakuza games that I come to love through books and reading the cards I find that this would be a fun game though I have not played it formally with anyone…..yet!  This is rather fun just talking about it!    Though if you want you can use whatever tarot/oracle deck you want that resonates with you, it is recommended to use the moonology cards for authenticity!

Rules:

• you must choose between odds or evens, the evens draw first and the odds draw second

•north/south node cards will be high scoring

•full moon/ super moon cards :equal losing the game and the game being over! 

•The player with the most phases/or north/south node cards will win!  

•Money is rather forbidden as this about having lunar fun!

That being said I hope if you have the moonology cards and a few dice  and a cup that you will try this game!   This is original games are tarot card games with Japanese gambling games though now money is involved at all!   This is a game of luck!  Also have a nice day and have fun!

Stay tuned for me doing a simpler game with infinity cards!!!  

Also this game will be called moon dice!!

Take care!

Log #22: Huntley slim and the suburban cowboys and hipster brewery

 Huntley slim and suburban cowboys is a great blue grass band though yesterday was a good tattoo day but it was a great music day this band will be a good reason though it was a friend’s band that being said I don’t know very much about them though I find them fun to listen too over and over again!   I started to listen to the on the way home from the tattoo parlour that being said I love this band.   Though I have heard of great blue grass like curse of kk Hammond and other stuff like bridge city sinners that is rather a good genre of music that I had over looked many times especially when I go to the st paddies day dance.  That being said I find this music rather good when you are not watching people (couples) dance which is rather annoying to be honest with you when you are single!    Though I love listening to this music I see that I don’t know very much about this band that being some of the best gifts are best wrapped up then to be dissected if you get my drift!  That said, it is safe to say i like blue grass!  That being said I hear a banjo, something I wanted to learn from the time I started to learn the guitar (I love a good challenge)!  Though blue grass involves singing with story telling, this rather wets my interest in story telling singing and got out my song book and started to write some songs, this I will say to Matthew….thank you!   Matthew is my friends who got me on this, though blue grass is a rather slow process to be interested in, he sped it up!     Though right now I just have a guitar, clothing and a 6 string guitar!  This brings me to the next gem that Matt got me on to, hipster brewery!

Hipster brewery would be an alternative/punk and indie music list on  Spotify that my friend Matt got me involved in listening to that being said this was not a heard transition as I love alternative/punk and indie music the best.  That being said this list offers bands like: vance joy, born and of mice and men and more!  I will be recommending this play list to everyone reading this blog!   Personally I love this music too as I found the indie rock genre with good and emotional to listen to in a good way!  That being said  I will be leaving the links to both these great music.  I would listen to this when I am down or having a PTSD flashback if I have the where with all to do so that being said Huntley slim and hipster brewery  show why I would rather play my guitar and sing then. To go to conventional therapy or conventional journaling as this would actually have magic  to this kind of thing called music!  Now I remember Marylin Manson (a psychopath with great music) to say that it even is the strongest form of magic!  And big he is right about that.  I listen to this music though I love both the band and the play list would also be a great form of therapy as well as song writing and playing the guitar.   I don’t know why most people would not pick out an instrument and just belt out a few meaningful words.  That being said I hope to get people interested more and more into music as I have done with many artists, bands and playlists!  So this is where I got to to provide to you with the necessary links to this magical stuff called music!

That said, this all of this music would be great stargazing music!Hipster brewery| Huntley slim and the suburban cowboys

Log #21: I got my tattoo /room is clean/ feeling good

My newest addition 

 I my 10th tattoo, which is Mr. D.P, from Robert young pelton’s worlds most dangerous places the book and and come back alive the book!   This said the stor behind my bookish tattoo is the i  first read the fifth edition when I was coming out of the severe and massive depression!  I was reading the book for fun (the only fucking f-bomb I drop) and then I started to read the back of the book (something I do when I thoroughly enjoy a book) and it mention the symptoms of PTSD, or as like to call it affectionately as ‘ the piss off.’ That being said I saw that major cause of my depression and fought for my mental health even more than my parents who would be my best advocates At the time.   I also took an interests in conflict journalism, though I could never go to university because of the bullying i endure in elementary school and contributing to my PTSD!  

Then I started to read the book shake hands with the devil and that book and the movie (with actors) helped me related to Romeo Dallaire who has PTSD and suffered greatly.  He was a general in the un peace keeping forced in Rwanda that said I was able to relate to  Romeo Dallaire more than I relate with rein man.  That being said  i find that the author of worlds most danger places is neurodivergent too, as I was able to relate to him with his autobiography the adventurist!  The author of dangerous places is Robert young Pelton who helped me not just with my mental health but to appreciate this nerd (ball) called earth!  I also read three worlds gone mad and License to kill, too!  That said, I found the books are pure gold!  Give a hoot and read a book, and if it helps you with your mental health/enjoy it then get a tattoo based on that book!

I also got my room dealt with, that said I found that it took me less time to organize my rooms and I was able to decorate the room how I wanted to!  Though I will be feeling it tomorrow, this was a great day!   My room looks bigger than before, and I had to get rid of a lot of shit!  Also my room is a bubble gum pink and I love it!    I found that it was easier as I got rid of a lot of stuff!  What happened was the invasion of the mould that I didn’t really appreciate, the damn mould kicked me out of the on room for at least a mouth and three weeks!  Jeez!  I hate microbes, though I find them interesting to read I don’t like microbes bastardizing everything.   

Also I found that I felt better because I was doing stuff that I don’t usually do but i will be happy tomorrow!  Why?  Because it will be snowing, beautiful snow!    I get to shovel the hell out of the snow!  I wish I could have a gym membership though 66$ dollars a month would make my head spin!   I mid think about a gym membership would be great once I am tattooed!  Personally a good fucking day!

Log #20: one movie that you need to see about revenge

 So I was watching kill bill vol. 1 that being said I was a good movie though I was getting bored with it, though Quentin Tarantino is a very very good film maker, I watched this movie until I could remember everything in it though I have idyllic memory so this wanting to watch kill bill was rather getting old for the most part as I had seen this movie until movie and I don’t really need to see it again, though it was a great movie! So I logged into my tubi tv app to see what other yakuza films i can look at.

That brings me to find the lady snow blood movie, though I knew about the movie since I was in high school.  That being said it was through the kill bill movie that I was able to know about this movie too!  So I am giving tubi a loo lu and I saw the lady snow blood movie.   This movie was violent though worse violent than kill bill vol.1 but it was still rather good to be honest with you.  It was about a woman who had revenge put on her shoulders and goes deep into the yakuza underworld to achieve her dead mother’s goal!   That being said I was demented but it was rather good at the same time.  Set in Meiji era japan!  This was when was the dying age of the Tokugawa era and the samurai some how were being outlawed , though people in this time still carried around samurai swords, which didn’t make sense but law doesn’t always make sense.    You can imagine that this was an extraordinary movie too, just like the movie that followed it: kill bill!

This is a complex character this lady snow blood though I had read the graphic novels: yes there are graphic novels of her , this being said I have seen more in the graphic novels that were very explicit and interesting…..I am rather glad the did put the NSFW crap to a minimum as I only like reading some of these stuff, remember my spiel on greys anatomy, enough said.   I would rather read erotica than to witness it and be further traumatized like the  character of the movie, Yuki!  Though the story was a good one both in manga version and film I can’t help but feel sorry for yuki who has to avenge her family.   This whole movie is all amygdala that is what everyone in the movie is thinking with.

That being said the amygdala is the lows part of your brain you can think with before going to the brain stem which would be sheer terror to thing with either the amygdala or the brain stem.   That being said does trauma drive revenge, I don’t think so if you are raised properly for most of your childhood.   That being said I am traumatized though I don’t believe that trauma makes revenge more of a priority.   I have been on the path to healing from an equal amount of trauma as yuki though I think that getting even in any way will ruin the healing process.  It is part of the healing to have these emotions though I think people who walk away are more honourable then those who muck around and find out.

I just found this in a moment of sheer Bordom and it gave me something to do!  Though, I don’t believe in violence or destructive behaviour (deliberate) that does make a rather good movie, I must say.  It was well written and the characters were well developed and complex multi faceted.  That being said I found that every character would have their own unique back stories.   That being said I would not mind seeing a re-make of this movie.   Though I don’t know how NSFW it will be because of the today’s generation!   The take away is that regardless of karma on anything that revenge and justice will ruin and stop the healing process of trauma.  The only way to treat and deal with trauma and an overactive amygdala is to be kind to other people; even if they don’t deserve that compassion!   That being  said it will drive them even more insane and you are less likely be scum or at the level of scum.  An eye for an eye really screws up the world.  Though don’t just take my word on this movie, go and watch it on tubi and see what I mean, both of the brilliant and the horrific ideas of revenge.  

Log #19: why I love the “little mosque on the prairie” and not greys anatomy

This is a great show though I have no  religious experience in my life that being said I love this show for the humour and the cute-ness  that it held with it!  That being said I also loved learning about Islam ☪️ while being entertained at the same time! I felt like I was the characters family though I was not!  It only lasted y seasons and started at the year 2007, it showed the good points of Islam, it was educational and very entertaining.     It was about a big city lawyer turned imam though I loved the show for addressing the stereotypes on both sides of the world I found that I would start to laugh and then laugh so hard I would cry.    This was a great show that was cute to early in my opinion.

What gets my hide is that greys anatomy is still ruining though only a small percentage of people are surgically inclined though but has raunchy romantic crap that everyone is a sucker for.  This cute little show that broke stereotypes was not being aired any more and that is it what gets me annoyed big time.  Though I am not religious in anyway I still like the show for the breaking down of stereotypes and being actually clean!  That brings me to say that if you can see it, then you should not see the sex scenes with greys anatomy.   It just roughies my feathers that people would not like good clear and entertaining shows over things that would make fifty shades of grey blush!   Though kids can watch the greys it is strongly recommended that kid would not watch greys…

Kids on the other hand can watch little mosque and fully enjoy it, now I am not very winged be it left or right, this is just a person who loved the show for what it had to offer and the fact that characters were fully clothed.  Is that so wrong.  Though people think sex sells: it only does so much for romance novels and smut, that being said a tv show should be pg-13 at most. That also the show little mosque doesn’t have meredith who in my upon is a female Josef Mangele!   Sorry for the strong language but I can’t stand her and I wish that she would just go: she makes people in health care look like gore obsessed and sex obsessed fiends when they are really about healing.  The only thing you learn about greys is the different diseases and the sex positions! Also how to be a psychopath!   I wish I could change my mind on the greys but my more modern ancestors were subject to medical human experimentation and brutal ones at that. If you are wondering I am Romani (south Asian/himalayan) and central Asian (Kazakh, Uzbek and Tajik and Uighur) and these people have been treated like crap by doctors though out modern history - especially in ww2!  Enough said.

So you can see that I wanted to see this show once. And saw it though people rather see people take their clothes off!  This show was sweet and very interesting -genuinely interesting when it was on.  I watched it on Disney+ ,  though I find that it was taken off for some ridiculous reason.  I don’t usually use this word but when something great comes up, run with it instead of throwing it away!  These were very good and well developed and interesting characters with their own back stories and I would not mind this show being put on again, the way it should be.  Hate doesn’t have a place in our society and smut only as a little bit of places it could go, but a smile and clothing well be a good thank in my opinion!  Now I don’t know why the show was taken off the air, but it rather annoying.  I could not find it on cbc gem either!  I tried not to bug people about this but this is rather annoying.  Let’s get one thing clear I don’t use the r word except under extreme circumstances and pressure but this is rather extreme when you would allow psychologically disturbed people (characters) on tv and get rid of the great ones!  I hate Meredith though I don’t mind greys as a concept.   That being said cleanit up!

Log #18: it’s Orion and it’s big!

 This is the second constellation the to got in less than a year!  Only this time it was Orion the hunter, I believe.   This is rather interesting to say the least as I only got the handle of the Big Dipper this past autumn of 2025!  I started to do astrophotography last year this time when I was take picture of on my smart phone and saw that I got Orion’s Belt for the most part this rather amusing!

That being said getting stars is a bitch to do at first.  Though I am still pretty green at this I am proud of my photographic stargazing (or astrophotography in lake mans terms).  This I find that people are so obsessed with politics and bullshit to really care what is going on in the sky at night , though I was targeting the Big Dipper it was not presenting itself to me -still hiding behind a tree which is super annoying like the sound of an airplane or the sight of one to be honest with you.    Any way I just wanted to show you my shot that I got this evening before I go to bed!   That being said I did not sleep well last night …..wonder why…..hmmmm m!

Log #17: Now this is interesting : the unilome!

 Ever wanted to know why your childhood sucked donkey butt and even your 20s to mid 30s well this is the plan from the universe to every person good or bad though more for the good!  I will tell you this is very certain with my life, as my life does follow the unilome design!  This is the begging of the life is really shitty with a twirl and chaos and certainty and the the zigzags where I (and everyone) had to learn the hardest lessons off all and the the line straightens up to start sending you to nirvana (not the band) but peace and then towards the end you reach enlightenment.

It is a Buddhist and Hindu yantra!  This is very important to pay attention to this as nothing last forever not even in life, that said I found that suffered and was chaotic in my early years then by fifteen to 36-ish I found zigzag after zigzag with every “mistake” I learned from though I still am learning from time  to time!  This being said I have a deep swirl and lots of zigzags with me because of my donkey butt childhood!

Though I am ending with my tradition into nirvana I see that I am getting rather mature in my ‘old age!” That being said I might be 37 but I learned too much to just pass down to my grandchildren if I have them!  I had to face so much and this was exactly when my friend told me about the unalome!

So it is very interesting to see and relate to the south Asian people about this way life goes and how good it will turn out.    This symbol was rather interesting as no matter who different we ‘are’ we are all the same in the universes design for us!  This is rather interesting to see that my suffering will be over soon but you can not take the easy way out, it is not in the universe to let you go the easy way out.

Once you are in the straight lines and the dots you will be in the pink with life, in the pink means that you will be ok, it’s an old palmistry and medical term for if you are “pink” you are healthy.  Just like if your organs or pink and fluffy then you are good!

So when saw this design I would see that I will be ok and happy later on!     These beautiful designs talk about suffering, lessons learned and then find peace and enlightenment!  Though which rate a person get to enlightenment is really a choose your own adventure.  Some people will unfortunately not learn from the chaos and lessons.  So I will not get to that part though I see that this basically who your day goes to, the morning is such a ruckus and then it starts to settle around dinner time!  Think of it that way.

So if you are wondering why life sucks at first and why it is chaotic look a the unalome, for answers!  This simple design will be your guide to life and even your day should your day be good or bad!   So keep your chin up, it will come the peace!  Though this is a slow process and can be traumatic for a lots of people, it was for me!

Log #16: writing monster smut? Got writers block?!

 This is bull moon rising!  This is the first edition book that I am showing , though I have not read this book in particular this was the first of royal artifactual guild novel  that being said I am reading by the horns by the same author!  This book I will talk about later though I started to read her work in the second book.  I still would rather read monster smut!  Though this book series the royal artifactual guide novels and helped me with my writers block!  

That being said I had suffered from writers block since September 2025 and it was rather annoying to be honest with you.  I had great ideas and could not get them out on “paper” or Wattpad to be honest with you.  That being said I was emotionally constepated with ideas but could not get them out.  This was either going to take time  or a very good goddamn book that would get rid of this emotional necrosis fasciitis of the mind.

Yes I said that as the writers block could be very devastating  and more than annoying!  So for my birthday I would clear this up with a good goddamn book to read. And it worked beautifully!  That being said I am writing monster smut just to pay respects to the writer! That being said I wanted to write and read monster smut for readings and writings sake, though I did not know where to started.  That was when I went book gazing for the fun of it, I saw the book by the horns and I wanted to read ‘by the horns’

The ‘by the horns’ is about the girl Gwenna and a minatour named raptor!  This was the books I needed to get out of the funk of writers block!    In this corner of the world the necromancy is punishable by death though in my writing I took it a step further and made general nudity a punishable offence by impisionment that being said I will include the real life dangers and annoyances too that being said I would fall in love with the characters right away, even raptor who doesn’t like being ill!  

That being said I am crappy invalid too, as when I had COVID three times and my wisdom teeth taken out i wanted to do the usual things like earning money and going  on with my life!  That being said well said raptor!    I chuckled at the thought of this as I suck at being sick to!  lol!

That being said, this got me writing again right away on my birthday!  That had to be a great book to get me out of the writers block and let me tell you, that it has a strong death like grip that refuses to let you go unless you find a good book in your chosen genre or with time!  I literally  thought it would take time to be rid of the writers block as I was told to ignore the writers block though that was good advice it was not that great in practice, so I choose romantasy as my chosen genre then what would it take to get rid of the writers block, romantasy books! Particularly monster smut!

Who ever told to me that a little (or more) smut would not hurt anyone rather knew what they were talking about.  This being said a little (or a lot) of smut never harmed anyone.  It benifited me😂🤣😆

Read bull moon rising| Read by the horns

Log #15: Valentine’s Day, the day to be alone rather then lonely

This day that is coming up tomorrow is rather annoying to me, Valentine’s Day!  This day might involve candy though it is the anti-Halloween!  That being  said this a day where the alone will feel lonely and rather unlucky about life!  Well I rather be alone then to be lonely in a relationship where the idiot will not appreciate  me or will treat me like shit!   That being said is it a bad day for single Pringles or is not!    That being it does not have to be a bad day at all if you are single!    Or rather be alone!   That being said I would rather be alone then so many times be abused, unappreciated or cheated on by some bastard who will never understand what it takes to understand a woman or a female!  That being, I had to Neanderthals in my life, Bryan Varner and someone other idiots who literally turned me off from dating and men!  That said said bryan Varner was someone who was rather criminal who said he was a terrorist and a serial killer after bring up with me on my birthday, one year!  Then there was another guy after that that I try to respect  though he was constantly cheating on me and taking my money from me!  Though I healed from that aspect of that, we are friends -best friends.   

This should be a day about amity and I believe that word is friendship!  That being said I would rather not have romantic relationships as this would complicate my life more  than it needs to be!  That being said i even tried dating woman though this did not turn out as well as I hoped this resulted in me being lied to and having to make yet another Facebook account!  This was horrible for me, that being I have zero tolerance to lying.  So I would rather be alone, and practice self love and self care then to think of it as being  lonely and rather annoying!  That being said I found that romance though great books are a source of real life trauma, and not love!  That being said if I want comorbid and even more complex PTSD , or a personality disorder then I would continue to date others, and be a door Matt!  And I am too Amazonian for this shit, I was not bred to be a doormat or a spineless ameba that would allow abuse to happen to them  in one form or another!   So will I ever get into another relationship again, no because I was a beaten dog would by there culture will bite back!   I rather note bite back either so I will not put my self in a position where I will have to be skiddish our attacking others.   

So why this mucking day tomorrow (or today) if you are in the next time zone!  That being I doing think we need a day to high light the thing that is elusive and I think would better off being elusive!  Instead call this day amity day, as in friendship as the only healing relationship is friendship and the most destructive is romantic/sexual relationships!  This being I think romance belongs in story books and not in real life.  Take it from me when you are with you self or alone , you are not that lonely if you care and love you self!  Because if you can’t love your self then what matter does it mean to be around others!   This day rather drive me insane and i would rather see this day turned to amity day instead if a love day.  Now some of you might. Yah or nah this idea, it really depends on weather you have been abused repeatedly like me or not!

Log #14: Personal essay (why do I play guitar and blues)

The one thing I must say that I have learned was my creativity and emotions (though the second can get out of control at times).   I love being creative!   Though I play the guitar to make blues music!  Something that I love to do, I haven’t really started to write my own songs until I went to the Ottawa blues fest!   That is a  music festival for the city of Ottawa, Ontario Canada!   I went twice with my friend Rickie, another woman.     That being said why do I play the guitar is because obviously my brother John have  me a wonderful Christmas present, I guitar, though I learned under the teachings of  Amanda Jordan, yes the Amanda Jordan.  I would not start to take the time to write my songs out until I went to blues fest!    Though blues fest was one of the triggers!  I found that I also broke my  phone when I was angry a few short weeks later!  Both different occasions but would define me!

My brother John, the good one as I like to call me gave me a guitar during the COVID lockdown, one of the unfortunate times in human history, as I experienced racism and discrimination for being half central Asian!   So I needed something to take it out on society with getting into trouble.   Enter my brother John, who helped me get my first guitar.   I did not think of it much but it was going it mark my life in a good way.  Since being taught by Amanda Jordan, the country singer while living at my group home…..I found that playing guitar was coming easy for me.   Now I am autistic (neurodivergent) and I am able to quickly learn and pick up things I love doing, which happens to be guitar.  I learned the Am, c, and g cords woth no problem.  And soon after Amanda went to do other things in life, I would have a crappy experience with mental health, as my other brother Bryan, tried to hurt me.  So I downed ultimate guitar and started to learn the different cords that I never got to learn.  So I am semi self taught!   Though I never thought I would go to blues fest and see Sean Paul and papa roach!   It would be those artists/bands that planted the idea of song writing.   Especially when Jacoby Shaddix said that song writing saved his life numerous times over his life time.  Though I would not sing the actual punk but soon I would realize that I played the blues.

No my brother Bryan, he was not the first source of emotional trauma!   I was adopted from Romania and then was bullied relentlessly in school called the r -slur and other dumb names that really did not apply to me.   That being said I have had a lot of pain in my life.   This pain caused me to sing and soon song write.  Though I have tried conventional therapy and medication which somewhat work, I see that it is creative stuff that will get me though life’s issues and tissues!  But the song writing would not ensue until I went to blues fest and then weeks later breaking my phone……. As I broke my phone, at first I was devastated, I would have to face my pain with writing on Wattpad or on Amazon!    This being said I found that I remembered being at the blues fest.   And so I started to write a song or too!

The first time I wrote a song I was doing cleaning at my job at Bates, there I clean for two hours and just let my brain veg out during those two hours!  When I emerged from my job….. I started to think about song writing on the way hope.   I never told anyone this but i wanted to write a song.  This would be the only way I would keep my self sort of sane. So I had my dinner, shower and then set down and started to write the song lyrics for ‘metal detector,’ you know those annoying things you have to walk through in airports, I was writing this song out…., I felt a great relief off my shoulders!  And I wrote another song and then another.  I started to get addicted and obsessed in a good way with song writing.  I felt soothed and that there was less pressure from singing and song writing.   Then I hopped on the guitar and tried to see what it would sound (the song ‘metal detector’) and found that it was a huge success in my group home…..but I had nothing to record it with this would have to wait until I got an iPad.  The same iPad that I use to write this personal essay.    I found that because I broke my phone out of frustration that I was able to dip into what I wanted to pursue and accomplish.   

Now I must clarify that I do sing though I sing the blues since Covid was in town and screwed up my vocal cords.  That being said the severe cough that came with many bouts of Covid caused me to have this nice gritty voice that made me sing the blues since with no problem.  Before Covid I had sang like a pop star with Amanda Jordan.     I had a hell of a time with Covid, as I had it three times , I am told and I am still on this earthly plane.  Though I wished at the time I did not make it as it was misery in an ina nut shell for me.   And the Covid as altered my vocal cord in such a way that I could sing the blues.     That being said my music has helped me and also helped me with my emotions and vice versa.     For one, singing and song writing have helped stay out of most  trouble though it does tend to find me.   That is because I refuse to think before speaking or acting.    The song writing that I do helps me think before I act or speak, which is better than going off half knowing what is going on.  Though I still struggle to think before I speak and think before I act.  Though I have problems with emotional regulation ( I am not afraid to say this) and I am able to do creative things because of this, it also has gotten me in trouble at times.    I must clarify that I use creativity as a form of emotional  regulation as well as the conventional mindfulness activities too.    

What is emotional regulation?  It is the freaky ability to real in and control your emotions when needed or not!   This is something I struggled with all my life so I do art, music and writing to help real in my wild emotions.  I also do a calming dance once a day or if I feel like I am go into loose it in public.  The dance or jig as I call it, looks funny to other people,e but I see that it actually works.  It helps regulate the emotions and nervous sister I am told.  I do the dance in public and I also play the guitar when I am at home.

As I sing and song write, I even do my own music video so I don’t have to fork over the money to a professional!   You can find me on YouTube @beautifullyfreaky000.  (Though I am not trying to promote my self) That being said I fine that being able to go to the Ottawa blues fest was a resonance for me.  Because I am able to do this free hobby with out hinderance, both physical and emotional!   As I see that sing the blues is like taking an antidepressant or an emotional Tylenol….it helps with the emotional pain for so many reasons!   Name one reason that people make and listen to music! I do this for the same reason.

The other things I play are the harmonica, also given to me, and a hand pan (also given to me).  Though I use the hand pan for therapeutic purposes and to smooth my restless soul!  I also sometimes play the harmonica that my friend Matt gave me.   With these three instruments and my singing, song writing i find that I am able to see that the world is a safe place to express one’s self!  Though I see this as emotional pain relief!  This doesn’t always mean that I won’t have a bad day.  I see that being human means being imperfect at times, and even flawed.   I will tell you that I find that creativity was able to help me even when I was four years old, though I still had bad days from time to time.    

I have found that song writing has helped me cope and will continue to do so for me!   I never would have started this if my brother John did not give me a guitar, and I also did not go to blues fest.   These things had helped me break out of my head and into what I call life and the world.   Other things that I a find help are drawing and writing though they don’t work as well as song writing.  That being I am told I am direct and on point with my lyrics!    And that just today I was discovered by TikTok and was invited to be ‘creator.’

So why do I play the guitar and the blues!  I play the guitar and sing the blues for the reason of the Covid pandemic and I also play the blues because I have had a lot of pain in my life  that being said I found that creativity is great for emotional regulation and for fun!  Also I started to talk about the fact that I started to song write because I have too much emotional pain and would rather not self-exit.   That will be another essay for sure!  I found that music, art and even writing have helped me overcome come crap that I should have not even over came but did!   It is possible to reduce or even get rid of your PTSD through creativity!  So with that rock on!!