Log #9: my bullying story (tw: suicide, self harm, violence and dark thought, and of course bullying)

 

That being said as far as my parents were concerned I was having a great childhood though in school it could not be more different.   That being said there were somethings that will stay with me for life:  this would be that I did not go to gifted program, I was discriminated and had human rights violations, though the third i will not speak of in depth!  It started in kindergarten, when they (the school) was fundamentalist catholic, this sounds just as demented as it would.  But it was they saw smart kids as satanic and demonic and evil!  Such evil was suppose to be beaten out of the kid, though mentally and physically!  So you know I knew my stars and my reading since age 4, this was considered evil and rather abnormal!  So they put me in with the special ed students because I was ‘satanic,’ ‘evil,’ abnormal and demonic!  So I lost my demonic virginity at age of 5 years old.  It would be because of a neo-nazi of a kindergarten teacher when she deemed me ‘ of the Devil!’ What kid should lose their demonic virginity before 18, no one.  That was what.  Though I never was stimulated and I was rather bored with this for about 8 years, I started to act out because of my iq when I was in grade 8.  Though the other students would dispute my intellectual capacity which would be the subject of many fights and pranks.  This was would only get worse when the bullying was starting it get through to me.   By then I almost forgot the demonic comments and I was not very popular in school.  This being said it was in the decline.

Here is the triggering part:  my best friend k, started to side with the bullies and they started to steal my lunch and food, just to drive me insane or until I killed my self.  And let me tell you this was traumatic for me as I know the United Nations charter of human rights and would not put up with this.  I started to cry and I wanted then and there I wanted to kill my self, and it did not help that I disrupted the whole school over the stolen food.  Mission accomplished assholes!  That was when I started my p*riod and I was already emotional.  Though there was another time when my pmdd got me In shit!  This would be when some one, an African American student called me the r slur!  This was rather insulting and I punched him right in the mouth!  The principal saw this and near split my ear lobe and dragged me to his office and called my mother to threaten me with prison, regular prison.  That being said this would be when things started to go wrong and very wrong.  

It was a few months of fighting, threats of suicide as well as the pranks that would wear on the principal, he would threaten me with Guantanamo, the no fly list and then a CIA black site.  This last one got my mother and I riled up and I was starting to worry about  dying in a dark cell!  That being said my friend nils, and Ana were starting their bullying issues too!  About this time nils would be grounded and Ana talked to until the summer of 2003.  But they did not have a sociopath as a principal, so their punishments were not as severe or traumatic! I would have another episode of suicidal thoughts and I would have to get into martial arts, this being said I had to choose martial arts and life or death!  It was that severe!  So I begrudgingly went into taekwondo and the way of the yakuza!    Though I started to question the validity of life and how good this illegal system was really!  

Needless to say that high school would be rather bitchy to me!  Though I dreaded this with all my life force.  I had to go to high school in the fall!  Though I was traumatized and I would not talk about this stuff until it was almost too late!  The hellementary school did do something about  me, and not the rampet bullying that was going on in the school and the human rights violations that I was threaten with.   Though I had a flawed by loving mother, I could not tell her about all 8 years in this hell place.  That would be a great name for holy name of Mary school!  This was rather frightening and dark point in my life and it would lead to more until I was able to feel self enough to tell my mother about this whole shit show!   That being said I would be hardened and my dreams crushed by the time I would see that I would be called gifted and intelligent in highschool! I would be through university and I would have been a forensic scientist if this bullying would not have happened!    That being said I will never know what my life would be like had I been in public school!  

About 70% of youths will be bullied in Canada and the us about 19% to 20% of kids will be bullied.  This is rather sad.  And some of the things I was one of the 70% of the kids who are bullied that being said I could not fight back as there were severe consequences to me fighting back!  This was cowardly to use the 9-11 attacks to beat the uniqueness out of a student!  This might be why I am on this planet! This needs to stop, though I am special needs i am also gifted and need some dignity and was met with hatred!  I had like many other of the 70% of kids would be battling self harm at one point in my life and I still bare scars from this moments if stupidity!  Be kinder to others